Fifty Shades of Nothing
by Lili Locket
Summary: Anastasia is his past but he can't leave her there, she is in everything He does, everything He feels and everything He needs... but can Christian convince her of the same? can she truly be the one that saves him from himself?
1. Chapter 1

****I've already uploaded this once, but it was extremely jumbled up, apologies but I don't know what happened... hopefully this reads better!****

Present.

Christian gasped for air, beads of sweat rolling down the back of his neck, between his shoulder blades; a pane of light escaped the moon as it filtered through a gap in the blinds.

She stirred gently against him, her mass of blonde hair reaching out, desperate to tangle him in their embrace.

He grimaced and swung his legs over the side of the bed, checking the time "2:00AM?" He groaned, his nights were getting shorter and shorter thanks to the reoccurring dreams, they'd eased when He had met Anastasia, but a Year without her and they were back…. With vengeance!

He padded across the cool marble floor, stealing a glance back over at the sleeping blonde, desperate not to wake her; He couldn't deal with her persistent questioning or irritating belief that she understood.

His study offered dedicated peace and escape; Christian led a privileged life, but it was a privilege that he'd worked for, a privilege he'd earned.

Taking comfort in the soft leather against his bear back Christian opened the laptop, entered the password and inhaled a deep and satisfied breath as her name flagged up on the screen.

Christian Grey - ' **Anna? Are you there?'**

He took a slug of whisky and stretched back, running his fingers through his tussled hair.

Anastasia Steele - **'I'm here Christian, another bad dream?'**

He sat upright and felt the corner of his mouth lift, it was better now, the heavy feeling already lifting, the panic melting away.

His fingers stroked against each key with speed, the quicker he replied, the quicker he'd hear back from her.

Christian Grey - **'Of course! It's been every night for the past Month… my whole life is a never ending nightmare'**

He watched the dots bouncing across the bottom of the message window, he imagined her slender fingers planning their next move as they responded, her earthy brown hair would be piled on top of her head, an oversized jumper would swamp her small frame, she'd be biting her lip now, she always did that when she concentrated.

Anastasia Steele - **'Did you write it in your diary? I bet you didn't, did you? Oh Christian! You frustrate me so much!'**

He couldn't help the snigger that escaped his mouth, she knew every aspect of him, she knew him better than he knew himself.

Christian Grey - **'I can't find my pen… how frustrated are you exactly, Anastasia?'**

Christian stroked the tip of his forefinger over the letter 'A' that familiar sensation rippling through him.

Anastasia Steele - **'Christian! Don't!'**

Christian Grey – **'Don't what, Anna? Don't excite you! Don't make you feel alive! Don't desire you!'**

And then, nothing, She'd gone, He'd scared her off… again!

Christian checked the time once more – 2:35AM, making a decision He pulled down his boxers on route to the shower, revelling in the penetrating heat as it rushed against his chest.

His mind drifted back to a time when she'd shared the same penetrating heat, a time when he'd felt her supple breasts beneath his palm, a time when she'd desperately moaned his name.

He pulled on sweatpants and a hooded jumper, there'd be no one else in the office today and He needed to run!

Christian savoured the feeling of punishment surging through his body, every muscle throbbing, his breathing shallow, it was the closest he came to his old life… to how she made him feel.

The usual bustle of the office had been left behind when Christians staff had left Friday afternoon, it was a rarity to truly experience and appreciate the sheer magnitude of his building, and it was just that… he'd designed it, built it and now spent more of his life inside it than he'd ever expected.

Swinging his legs up onto his desk Christian logged into his laptop and waited for the messages to come flooding into his email box, He'd only been out of the office 24 hours but in his World business didn't break for the weekends.

He held his breath as her name filtered through, standing out from anything else….

 **'** **Christian,**

 **I don't know what to say to you anymore, I feel like I'm making it worse… not just for you but for all three of us!**

 **You should be turning to her, Christian! Elena is the one you chose! I couldn't become the person you needed, I let you down… I let 'Us' down and it's taken me the past Year to come to terms with the loss of you! I've mourned you, Christian and I've mourned 'Us' please let me move on with my life.**

 **Forever Your Anna'**

He felt his forehead tense, his eyes cloud over and his jaw lock, what kind of shit was that! She was playing games, she was playing the kind of games the others had played and that wasn't Anna, it wasn't how she operated!

Her words engraved in his mind as He stabbed against the keys.

 **'** **Anastasia,**

 **Don't say anything! Forget about 'all three of us' there is no 'three of us' there is me and Elena and me and You!**

 **I don't 'turn' to anyone, Anna! Elena shares my bed and my money but that is where it begins and ends, I didn't 'choose' Elena… she was already there, she's always been there and when YOU left me, she picked up the pieces you'd left behind!**

 **And you've 'mourned' me, 'mourned' us, have you? You're over it? I don't buy it, Anna! I'm not that easy to get over.**

 **Your undead Christian.'**

His phone moved across the desk, He toyed with the idea of silencing it against the office wall… but that would be just one more ball-ache it could do without right now.

"Elena. Is everything ok?"

"Surly I should be asking you that question, Christian! You're the one that ran out on me, yet again! I presume you're at the office?"

He felt the pencil give way beneath his hand, throwing it to the floor he paced the office, it didn't matter how much space he gave himself, it was never enough, he would always feel like a caged animal.

"My aren't you bright, lover! Yes, Elena, I am indeed at the office… where else would I be?" she laughed faintly.

"Who knows, Christian! You're hardly Mr. Predictable!"

"And wouldn't life be boring as hell if I were!" He felt the darkness surrounding him, his mind clouding over, it was Anna… it was always Anna! She did this to him.

"Come to the office" He demanded "Don't wear anything under your coat and do not wear your hair down! Do you understand me, Elena?"

He could hear the steady excitement in her voice.

"Oh I understand, Christian… shall I bring… anything with me?" He knew exactly what she meant by that.

"It won't be necessary, Elena… I have everything I need here"


	2. Chapter 2

"Well, that was intense… something on your mind, Christian?" Elena shrugged her coat back on and lit the cigarette poised between her lips.

"Do you have to do that in here?" Christian barked, his hand tingled and his body felt a slight hint of satisfaction… He wasn't free from the darkness though; he was never free.

A cloud of smoke wafted across his face and he felt his fingers twitch.

"Don't test me, Elena!" he warned, his face titled and cool dark eyes fixed on her.

She stepped close, the echo of her heels filling his head, taking him back to a familiar time, a deeply satisfying time.

She broke the memory, her nicotine stained fingers tracing the waistband of his sweatpants "Lets do something this evening, take me out, Christian?" she batted her eyelashes, it wasn't cute, it didn't win him round and His heart didn't melt instantly. But if he took her out it would mean one less night pretending that she satisfied that deep need within him.

Elena desperately clung to the fact that she had a body to die for, curves in all the right places and outfits that offered the best of what she had to give.

Christian held back, allowing her to walked ahead and into 'Italiano' it had once been Anastasia's favourite restaurant, she had been the first and only sub that Christian took to dinner, she'd forced him to break every rule he had ever set.

Christian took comfort in knowing they'd been here together, He'd heard Ana's carefree laugh, watched her perfect lips press against her wine glass, revelled in her exposed neck, tendrils of hair escaping against her cheek as she smiled nervously and pushed them behind her ear; Her eyes sparkling beneath the soft candlelight, she was perfectly beautiful, she was perfectly wonderful… she was right there, Anastasia was there, in front of his very eyes, for the first time in 12 months, she was within his reach and it stopped him in his tracks.

He tore his gaze from her with just enough time to observe her companion, it was the photographer, the same photographer that Christian's fists had come into contact with the day that Ana had packed her belongings and walked out of his life.

Finally finding his voice and desperate to keep the anger at bay Christian acknowledged her

"Hello, Anastasia"

Her lips parted as she lifted her eyes to meet with his, that familiar feeling stirred within him once more and suddenly the rest of the World no longer mattered.

Christian noticed her companion stand, smoothing his crumpled cheap jacket he puffed out his chest (what there was of a chest) and addressed him.

"Mr. Grey, Ana doesn't want any trouble, we're out hav….." He didn't get to continue, Christian dominated the conversation instantly, holding up his right hand to silence the mumbling idiot he spoke directly to Anastasia "thanks, Photographer Boy, but Anastasia is quite capable of speaking for herself, aren't you, Baby?"

Elena hooked her arm through Christians, hugging it close, marking her territory as a dog would.

"Christian? Our table is ready, Darling" Her eyes darted towards the situation, it didn't take long to register what was going on.

"Anastasia! What a delight, you're a sight for sore eyes and don't you look just precious in that dress, I did always admire your ability to make any old rags look good"

"Elena!" Christian warned "Go and sit down, I'll be there in a second"

She wasn't giving up that easy though "Don't be silly, Christian! Let's make it a foursome! We couldn't possibly allow this moment to pass us all by! It's been… what… a Year!? We all have so much to catch up on!"

Before either Christian or Anastasia could protest further Elena had accosted a passing waiter and ordered him to push another table together with Elena and Photographer boy's, whilst Christian could only watch in horror.

Tugging against Elena's arm Christian growled against her ear "the punishment will be severe"

Christian watched as colour flushed against Ana's cheeks as He pressed his thigh against hers, and he took pleasure in watching her chest rise and fall as her breathing shallowed.

The plunging neckline to her silky dress exposed that soft, creamy skin and He longer to run his tongue across the base of her throat.

Elena busied herself interrogating Photographer boy, providing Christian with just the right amount of distraction.

"Meet me in the toilets" He whispered across to Anastasia, pulling his phone from his pocket He stood and walked away from the table, speaking loudly as he went "what do you mean there's been an issue with the South African sponsorship programme!? This is absurd"

Looking back over his shoulder He noticed Elena hadn't batted an eyelid at his sudden escape, Ana had been watching him though, he winked before disappearing in the toilet lobby.

He waited, poised as she turned the corner, reaching out he did what he'd been longing to do, He wrapped his fingers about her wrist and pushed her into the corner of the room, throwing a bundle of cash at the attendant and instructing her to leave and make sure no one else entered.

Ana struggled against him, her heart wasn't in it though, he could tell.

"Christian! Will you .go! what are you doing here? How could you bring HER here? Why here, to this place.. to our place!?"

"I could ask you the same question!" He responded, his eyes blazing with hunger… and not for food.

"You look amazing, you smell even better" his lips now inches from her neck as he pressed his thigh between her legs, his eyebrows raised as moisture absorbed through his pants "you're excited to see me, Ana?"

She wriggled free, straightening her dress and attempting to compose herself.

"stop it, Christian! Just stop it! We are done! We've been done for months! I begged you to let me go, you said you'd try! But you haven't even attempted to try! The messages, the emails, the 'chance' meetings! They have to stop, Christian! This… this has to stop!"

Rubbing his hand against the back of his neck Christian attempted to move closer to her, but she made her boundaries very clear.

"No! stay away, Christian, please just stay away"

Anastasia pushed past him and stormed across the restaurant, Christian close on her heels, anger bubbling inside of him as they approached the table once more, she didn't bother sitting back down again, instead grabbed her jacket "Jose' we need to leave, I want to go home"

Photographer boy broke conversation with Elena and observed Ana with concern.

"What's wrong? Is everything ok, Ana? Is Elizabeth ok?"

Christian watched as horror descended upon her face, a film of sweat evident across her forehead, her eyes focused on her hands, fingers lacing together nervously. Keeping his voice cool and steady Christian focused all attention on Anastasia.

"Who's Elizabeth, Anna?"


End file.
